Saturday, November 7, 2015

Praying At Temple For Dad

Today I went to a Buddhist temple to pray for dad and to make merit. The prayers involved praying to lord Buddha, lighting a candle with incense, receiving a prayer from a monk and getting a blessed string tied around my wrist. The string is called "Sai Seem", it is a bit of a  Buddhist superstition. The idea is the string which is tied on you by a Pali chanting monk will give you protection and good luck. You often see one or several strings on Thai people.

Thinking and praying to my father with 3 smoking incense sticks between my fingers was emotional. I thought back through our life together, many memories flooding back. I remembered walking and fishing with him as a young boy. I remembered all the times he cooked for me, arranging the plate so everything was in its proper place and the food looked beautiful. I remembered him looking at me when he played his drums. Dad played in a wedding band, he would stare at me and smile, it was our special moment together. I always tried to do my best for my father, l tried to help him and respect him during his life and to be there for him when he got sick that last year. I always tried to do my best for him but now I think it was not enough, now I feel guilty I should have, could have done more.

Today at the temple when I was saying goodbye again, it still did not seem real. How could my beautiful father be gone forever? I can still hear his voice and see his face, how can his death be real.